Babies & Balance

"Having a baby changes everything"

If you are pregnant, or a new mother, I am sure you have heard this statement over and over and over. If I had a dollar for every time I heard this I would have around.......one hundred dollars. When people would tell me this (usually I would hear it at work, at the time I was working for Lush Cosmetics in Macy's, downtown Chicago) I would want to roll my eyes and think, "No, I had no idea!". I knew that my whole perfectly balanced life was going to be turned upside down, and I didn't need anyone to remind me of that fact, I wasn't upset about it, I just thought I already knew what I was in for. 

I was very, very wrong! Having Julian has literally changed EVERYTHING. My marriage, my faith, my friendships,  my body, my heart, my mind, my confidence and even the way I take care of and view myself. That is a lot of change in a very short period of time. It's understandable why so many women struggle with postpartum depression when you take all of this into account (on top of all the crazy hormones you have zinging around your body). 

After the initial shock of, "whoa there is this tiny human screaming at me and I can't understand what he wants because I don't speak waaaaaaaaah!, " wore off and we developed the routine that is so necessary (but difficult to achieve) I found myself feeling adrift. A little bit lost. Everything had changed, and even though I was over joyed to have this tiny, adorable, gurgling baby to spend time with, I morned for things that I thought I had to leave behind in order to move forward in my role as a mother. It was easy for me to start defining myself as only a mother. This is pretty dangerous territory I think, because while being a mother is a huge part of who I am, it does not define me, and if you have children, it doesn't define you either. I was putting so much unneeded pressure on myself in devoting all of my energy into only mothering. My faith suffered, my marriage suffered, my body suffered, my friendships suffered, my heart suffered, my confidence suffered. There would be days when it seemed like no matter how much I nursed Julian he would still be hungry, and after five or six feedings I would realize I hadn't eaten anything myself! My husband would come home and I would be too exhausted to be emotionally present. I would forget to call my friends back, and for a few months I didn't knit a stitch! (which is a huge deal for me!) I would get so upset with every shower, where I could not escape the reality that pregnancy was not easy for my small frame, and feel so sorry for myself. I would tell myself, it's ok that I feel this way, "it's just a part of being a mother."

I don't remember where the breaking point was, when I realized that my whole life was completely off balance. Julian wasn't asking me to give up being myself to be his mother, and I certainly couldn't give him the best version of myself if I was neglecting my own needs. I could still be me, I just needed to regain balance, which meant dealing with the issues of guilt and inadequacy that was the root of my constant striving to "be a good mother". For some reason as soon as they laid that purple wrinkly porker on my chest I thought I had to be perfect, or he would suffer in some way. In my fear of 

"ruining" this adorable little creature, I lost that solid sense of confidence I had spent years working so hard to find. That confidence that even though I knew I was far from what our culture defines as perfect, my this was too much or I didn't have enough that, sometimes I would laugh a little too loud or say the wrong thing, I was quirky and different, I didn't want to strive to be something I wasn't. Becoming a mother had put me back into that place where I was so terribly unsure of myself, and I thought I had to fit a certain mold. Once I realized that I couldn't, and more importantly, didn't HAVE to be perfect, I felt a lot more freedom and was able to treat myself a little better. I didn't feel as guilty if I spent a little more time in the mirror doing my hair (something that I used to take For-Ev-Er doing), or slept in a little on the weekends. Gradually, I started to regain balance. I found that my over all mood, and productivity improved, I felt more creative, more spunky, more "myself". 

Sometimes I still struggle managing that fine line, that balance. I know now that the thing that Julian needs the most, besides food and shelter, prayer and love, is a happy, confident mama, not one bogged down by her own silly and ridiculous expectations. Taking care of myself well, doing the things I loved doing before Julian came along, like knitting, reading, trying new recipes and even having an occasional glass of wine with a friend helps me regain that sense of self, outside of motherhood, which helps me be a better mother. Yes, having a baby changes everything, but it doesn't have to change in the way you may think it does, or that way I thought it did. Viewing motherhood in this light actually makes me appreciate my role more, and how it has helped me grow into a more confident woman, a more compassionate and humble, and less judgmental person. I encourage you, if you have felt or feel how I felt, to take some time for yourself and try to regain that balance. It could be as simple as a latte or a new book, do it, you deserve it and your family needs it too. 

-K 

The C word (Cloth)

A few weeks ago another blogger posted this article

 in Marie Claire, discussing a new book by the French author Elisabeth Badinter. While the article is very interesting to me, and brings up a few logical points, Id like to focus on one in particular.  Here is an exert from the article:

"MC: You've written about a "naturalist" strain to modern motherhood—breast-feeding on demand, natural childbirth, eco-friendly washable diapers, homemade baby food—that pushes women back into the home.

EB: Unquestionably. The gains of the previous century—epidurals, bottle-feeding, disposable diapers—allowed women to reconcile their roles as mothers with the necessity of being financially independent. This 21st-century project of naturalism, which makes the female into an animal again, is a rejection of those gains."

There could be a lot to unpack in these sentences. Im not interested in getting too political about this, I am by no means a feminist but I do value equality as a woman in all areas of my life. nor do I consider myself a "naturalist". Although, I did breast feed Julian on demand for over a year, he co slept with us until recently, he is in cloth diapers and I make pretty much all of his food from scratch, excluding those terrifically convenient but stupidly expensive baby food pouches from Ella's Kitchen. (They are so cute! And fun and yummy!) While I understand that my current situation allows for me to essentially "work from home" I by no means feel like I have been "pushed" back into the home, and I certainly don't feel like "an animal". I have done all of these things willingly, and not because I feel pressure too, I frankly could care less about what anyone thinks of my parenting choices. I thought that in leu of this post I would share a little bit about our choice to do one of the things mentioned in the Marie Claire article. 

CLOTH DIAPERS 

dun dun dun!

I don't really remember when I first entertained the idea, in fact I can't even remember when I was introduced to modern cloth diapering out side of my sweet friend Betty * in Uganda, who put her boy Kimby in what she called "plastic baby pants", which actually sound as terrible as they are. Other wise, most of the babies ran around stark naked and essentially went where they were standing. 

There were several reasons why I wanted to do cloth diapers, and I deiced we decided to do them before Julian was even born. 

1. The disposable diapers that I considered good enough (bleach/chlorine free, easily composted) where very expensive anywhere from 25 to 50 cents a pop (or poop). X and I both have very sensitive skin, so I figured Julian would have it as well. I was very right. So, the savings cost wise was a huge incentive. I paid about $200 for our diaper system, which will last until Julian is potty trained and even through another baby if we ever decide to have one. Which means, I have saved over 700 dollars in the first year alone. 

2. When my brothers were born I was about 11. I had no problem changing diapers, but the smell of the garbage after even a couple of them was disgusting, officially my least favorite smell, EVER and haunts me to this day. Our apartment is very small and I knew that if we had disposables piling up in our tiny can in our tiny kitchen in our tiny apartment, the whole place would smell terrible. 

3. Its technically illegal to dispose of human waste in a garbage dump. If you dont want it in the water, dont put it in the garbage. No one is going to come and arrest you BUT most diaper packages DO say to flush the poop in the toilet before throwing the diaper away. If Im going to be flipping poop into the toilet anyway, I might as well save money while I'm doing it. 

4. Obviously the environmental damage is outrageous. Think of it this way, if you change your baby at least an average of 8 times in a 24 hour period, (which is about what I do) thats almost 3,000 diapers in one year! I honestly do not want to contribute over 6,000 diapers to the already monstrous amounts of garbage americans produce a year, it is estimated that there are over 24.7 BILLION disposable diapers going into landfills each year, producing 3.4 million tons of garbage. All of this just for the sake of connivence, especially when advancements and new technology on the cloth diapering front make cloth almost as convenient as disposables. In one study conducted by the National Association of Diaper Services found that disposable diapers produce seven times more solid waste when thrown away and three times more waste while being manufactured. On top of that, effluents from the plastic, pulp and paper industries are worse for the environment than the cotton growing industries.

5. Cloth diapers are counter culture, there for badass and "indie" by nature. 

6. They are actually really cute, and in the summer time, Julian can run around looking very European in his cloth diapers that look like little speedos. 

I try to be a compassionate person, I try to take into account what my actions are doing for the generations after me, and taking all of this into consideration I can't really wrap my mind around why more people, if they have the resources (which is essentially running water..) haven't jumped on the band wagon. Some people might have more than one child, and think its too much work. Both Julian and Naomi are in cloth diapers and it takes an extra three minutes to wash and hang them out to dry. Its unbelievable that something as simple as reusing cloth diapers makes such a huge impact on the environment, and so little people are making the effort. Later in the article Elisabeth Badinte says this in response to cloth diapers:

"EB: While we're waiting for biodegradable diapers to reach the market, I would choose disposable diapers [instead of washable ones]. Between the protection of the environment and the protection of the liberty and free time of women, my choice is made."

I really disagree with this statement. I truly feel that being responsible with the resources we have and protecting the environment is a benefit for women! I would rather take a few more minutes, literally minutes, and preserve the world that we live in for the future generations of women than have a few more minutes to eat a banquette or paint my nails. How is a woman's liberty being threatened here? Unless someone is forcing me to use cloth diapers, I have no loss of liberty. Her point is almost laughable to me. Even when we are out and about, the zoo, the park, where ever, I just bring a wet bag (it has a water proof liner, which makes bags like these great for after yoga, or gym or even the beach) and throw the soiled diaper in the wet bag to wash with the rest when we get home. There is no smell, no leaking, nothing, and takes up very little space in those monstrous things we call diaper bags that everyone is toting around anyway, besides, isn't that the point of the bag anyway? It truly is not as inconvenient as most people think. 


We use one size fits all pocket diapers from Bum Genius. Here's how simple it is:

One size fits all

water proof outer/ soft inside 

microfiber absorbent insert

stuff it

stuffed 

in use on a cute bum

dump and rinse 

wash and lay out to dry

Washing them sounds scary but its not. You literally don't even have to touch them, just turn the wet bag inside out into the washing machine and throw the bag in too. I use a great bio degradable detergent called Charlies, we even use it on our clothes because it helps keep them soft and cleans really well. If the weather is nice enough I lay them out to dry and by morning they are totally dry, ready to be stuffed and used. Ive never had a problem with leaks, or smells, or really anything at all. Its so worth it! If you are really terribly squemish about poop. they have bio degradable liners that you also toss into the toilet. It's so easy and simple and so worth it!


I hope that if you have never considered cloth diapers this helps to enlighten you on the subject. To bring it all into perspective, cloth diapering makes me feel less like an animal, Dear Mrs Badetine,  because one of the differences between us and animals is logic, and to me, this is plain logical. Now, I do believe that cloth diapering is the way to go, but by no means do I judge you if you just can't see yourself doing it. I just encourage you to try it, you might be. surprised at how great it is. If you have any questions feel free to comment and Ill do the best I can to answer them.


Thanks for reading.
-K 

 

Gardens & Galettes

red lettuce - italian kale - rainbow chard 

Spring has indeed arrived, rain and humidity, frizzy hair and all. I really enjoy living in a place that I am able to experience every season. Chicago has sweet, lovely springs, hot, loud summers, comforting autumns, and dark, crisp winters. Although, this past winter was so deliciously mild, I didn't even need those hunter boots that I had been lusting over since last winter. Season changes are such a great thing, so inspiring and full of hope and a new sense of purpose. This will be the season! The theme of seasons is something that I have  I am learning to become comfortable with, and helps to give me peace in the midst  of the difficult ones, and to stay humble and thankful in the abundant ones. 

I have finally endeavored into the world of gardening. Last month during the warm spell, X went ahead and set up my first raised garden bed while I was away visiting my parents after my uncle's passing. It was a pleasant surprise, the idea of things growing and living helped me to digest the first wake and funeral that I have ever been to. At the same time, it was overwhelming. We have a pretty decent sized back yard for living in the city, and that's one of the reasons we have decided to stay in our humble little place. X brought a few started plants home to put in our raised beds, and not knowing anything at all about gardening I simply dug little holes and threw the baby plants in. haha. Long story short, the red lettuce is the only brave plant to have survived my ignorance of frosts and planting times. They sure are looking lovely despite my errors in planting them too soon. Anyone want to come over and help me eat these greens?!

After a few very long conversations with my dear and lovely friend, Ellen, who works at a gardening boutique (seriously, that is what you would call the place she works) about seeds and starting and what not, I was confident enough to actually put some seeds in the ground. So far I have planted two sorts of kale, dwarfed blue curled and italian lacinato, or "dinosour" kale in the raised bed with the lettuce. In the back planter I have the rainbow swiss chard and some purple wax beans. I just went out in the rain this evening after work and to my delight, my beans have sprouted and are so adorable. I have some peppermint growing in a very beautiful blue ceramic container, lavender by the roses and literally, BUSHES of cilantro. My friend Jack had a birthday celebration this weekend and I was so excited to bring him a gift of one of my cilantro plants. Can you tell I like green things? I have hopes of some eggplant, summer squashes and perhaps a load of other herbs, like basil, chervil, dill, and flowers like chamomile and marigolds, my upstairs neighbor wants to plant some sun flowers as well. The roses that my land lord fawns over are so luscious, she comes over at least twice a month to take care of them. Rose scented sugars, cupcakes, ice cream, the list could go on, and Im excited to get started. 

Roses have never impressed me until I've anticipated their blooming. They are truly gorgeous, and smell so sweet. Funny how things change for me, things that a few years ago I had very little interest in now amazing and intrigue me. Maybe, just maybe I am growing up. 

One of my favorite things about gardening is that it changes the way I think about ingredients. My favorite new herb is called Lemon Thyme. It's so delicious, almost buttery but lemony at the same time. A few weeks ago when Dearest Elise  visited me here in Chicago we roasted a chicken with the thyme along with some rosemary and garlic, it was phenomenal. This weekend we had the pleasure of meeting with a great group of new friends (I am very excited to share my life with these people), have dinner and discuss faith. I wanted to make something sweet and special, and a galette seemed perfect. This was my first one : 

 Apple & Apricot Galette with Lemon Thyme. 

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Ingredients:

Puff Pastry 

3 Granny smith apples

2 tablespoons apricot preserves. 

2 table spoons of butter 

1 tablespoon of milk

Turbinado sugar for sprinkling on top. 

Lemon Thyme. 

-

Assembly:

* Preheat the oven to 350

1. Roll out your dough into a 12 inch circle, and

 place it on a baking sheet. 

2. Peel and thinly slice the apples 

 3. Mix in the preserves to coat the apples

4. Carefully arrange the apple/preserve mixture

. Start with a circle of apples leaving about a two inch border of dough, 

and work your way in, laying apples along the way. 

5. Dot butter over the entire galette

6. Fold over the excess dough.

7. Brush a bit of milk on the outsides 

of the dough and then sprinkle

the sugar on top. 

8. Pop it in the oven for about 40 minutes, or until the pastry 

is golden and the juices are bubbly. 

9. Top with the leaves of the Lemon Thyme

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I really enjoyed the end result. The apricot preserves were tart but so so sweet and played up on the tartness of the granny smith apples. The lemon thyme added a little bit of a savory note, but still, because of the lemony scent accentuated the sweetness of the apples. A note about the turbinado sugar, it makes a difference, the course crystals are so beautiful and add a nice crunch. I will be making a lot more of these over the next season. Hanna's Galette looks amazing, I love balsamic and strawberries! 

What spring produce are you excited to cook with? 

Thanks for reading

-K 

Celes + Cinnamon

Here she is! Lovely Celes by Jared Flood, done up in the gorgeous Tosh Merino Light. I've been working on this for about a month. It was such a beautiful and delicious knit. There is just something about lace, all of those yarn overs and double decreases, the rhythm. P.s. my official knitting song is "Lump Sum" by Bon Iver, whatever the tempo in that song is, is also the exact tempo of my knitting, weird and awesome! Side tracked, sorry! When I first read the pattern I was freaked out, knitted on edging?! What does that even mean!?! Basically, you pick up a bazillion stitches (ok only about 300 or something) along the outside of the rectangular stole and go from there. It was actually way easier than I anticipated, and Id rather do a bunch of 12 stitch rows than say, ten 300 stitch rows. This pattern was so wonderful, try it yourself! Lace can be intimidating, but it's simple once you get the hang of reading a chart full of crazy symbols. I like to whip out my lace charts when Im knitting in public, it makes me feel like I know a secret language, or I am reading hieroglyphs and also making something beautiful at the same time. 

Well, I had to part with her today. I knew it was coming, but it didn't make it any easier...

I made it for my wonderful and lovely boss lady, and she really deserved something extra special for her birthday this year. I will probably be making another, in Quince and Co's Sparrow, for myself. Or maybe for a give away?! Eh?! 

Well, in oder to distract myself from the inevitable sadness in parting with Celes (although, I enjoy giving away my knitted treasures more keeping them, and Ive been known to give them away especially when I have had a little to drink and a dear friend has babysat my son while X and I had a much needed night out eating French/Mexican fusion..but thats another post I suppose...) I did what I do second best, and that is busy myself in the kitchen while the babies nap. 

I give you:

Cinnamon Spiced Red Curried Lentils

I can't really take credit for this. I am obsessed with Heidi Swanson, and this is a fusion of several of her recipes for different sorts of lentils. Lentils are almost my favorite food, I eat them at least twice a week, if not more. They are loaded with all sorts of nutritious goodness, including iron and B vitamins and packed with protein. That is why they are so great to eat if you dont have a lot of meat in your diet or are a vegetarian or vegan. This recipe can also be made vegan by substituting the butter with coconut oil.  I used what we had, and it turned out great:

Ingredients:

2 cups red lentils rinsed and picked over

2 large shallots, chopped 

3 cloves of garlic, chopped

1/2 a can of coconut milk (full fat version!)

1 bay leaf

1 cinnamon stick

1 + 1/2 table spoon indian curry

1/2 tablespoon cinnamon

3 tablespoons butter 

3 cups veggie broth

1 cup water 

1/2 a lemon

salt/pepper

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Now, Im not sure if I really should be telling anyone how to cook because frankly, I usually wing it. I probably did not follow proper steps and protocol but it turned out yummy, and the babies liked it too..and thats what is important after all. 

1. Sauté the garlic and shallot in 1 tablespoon of butter. 

2. Add in the 1 tables spoon curry powder, lentils, cinnamon stick, bay leaf, broth and water, a little salt, a little pepper, bring to a boil and then turn the heat down, simmer until the lentils are tender. (sometimes it takes a half hour or so, sometimes more) 

3. While the lentils are simmering away melt 2 tablespoons butter and let it brown (not burn, but brown, you will know by the color and the smell, nutty and delicious) Quickly add in the remaining curry powder and cinnamon, you're basically toasting these spices so that the flavors develop. Take it off the heat and let it cool a bit. 

4. When the lentils have finished cooking, remove the bay leaf and cinnamon stick,  add in the coconut milk, more or less depending on taste.

5. Pour a little (about half) of the curry/cinnamon brown butter into the lentils.

6. Transfer about half of the lentils to a food processor and process till smooth, transfer it back into the pot with the other lentils. This gives you a good texture, its not too smooth and not too chunky.

7. Drizzle the remaining brown butter mixture into the lentils. 

8. Squeeze a little lemon juice in there for a little zing. 

Now, because I made this for the babies, I kept the spiciness to a minimum but if it was just for me I would have added in a good amount of red pepper flakes, and topped it with some greek yogurt and cilantro, maybe serve it with some naan, or whatever sort of bread you have on hand. I really loved how the cinnamon played on the sweetness of the coconut milk and the spiciness of the curry, I might experiment with this combination more often.

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And there you have it, my very unhealthy habit of self soothing with(semi) healthy foods. Don't take after me, but I do recomend you check out my favorite cook book by Heidi and maybe try out this recipe and tell me how it goes. 

-K 

Pretty & Fair

Living in a big city like Chicago has a lot of benefits. I am constantly inspired by the people around me, the architecture, the pockets of different cultures. I live in a funny spot were Eastern Europe and Puerto Rico are side by side. There is always something exciting going on, or something free to do with the children, even if it's just going to one of the many gorgeous parks in the city, or story time at a local 

bebe boutique.

There many are drawbacks to living here as well, including considering where J will go to school when the time comes, the cost of living, parking tickets (my sworn nemesis, I have to remind myself that the poor meter maid is just as human as I am and it actually isn't personal even though it feels like it is) and high taxes in everything imaginable ( that's a can of worms I don't want to open ). Oddly enough, one of the most difficult things for me to deal with while living in the city is the constant exposure to retail. this could be a positive for others but for me, it's a downfall.

I can easily pass 30 adorable and beautiful boutiques on a walk to the park with the children. There are THREE Anthropologie stores with in a thirty minute radius using public transportation. Do I need to explain myself further? Haha. While walking past these gorgeous shops there are gorgeous women in well thought out ensembles, oh you know, just going about their business being gorgeous haha. I've never been SUPER into fashion but living here has caused me to pay more attention to the way I present myself, which in its self is not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing to want to look pretty and have nice clothes and shoes. For me, I struggle with this on an almost daily basis because I feel that I have a realistic grasp on the real cost of looking so perfect. Someone has to pay for the savings somewhere.

I find myself constantly asking shop attendants , "Where was this made?". They usually don't know and after tuning a dress inside out twice I find the tag which reads "Made in Thailand 100% polyester". The fact that the sales associate has no idea where her products are made gives me the impression that the company she works for doesn't care enough about where the products are made to educate the stateside employees, which leads me further to believe that they probably don't care about the people making the products either. I know that is sort of a big jump, but I feel that it is he case with most retailers. Even some retailers that run their business stateside have poor business practices and treat their employees badly. I know that every dollar I work for is a vote, and a choice to support ethical business practices. I have to make the choice to be informed and responsible for knowing where my hard earned money is going. This is an area that I can actually make change and impact, through my spending. I also want to live a life full of compassion, and that life style attitude should not stop at my closet simply because it is inconvenient. Yes, buying things made by local designers, or from etsy, or even from businesses who market themselves as "fair trade" is more expensive, but I think its worth it. I would rather have less quantity and more substance,

  pretty and fair. 

With that said I want to share one of my favorite dresses with you, I am wearing it today! 

 I love this color so much, and it does wonders for my skin tone. Im such a textile fanatic and this print is so lovely. The fabric is 100% cotton, hand block printed with natural dyes in India. The designer is actually a Chicagoan, and her shop is called Mata Traders, but you can also buy some of her dresses online through Rouche and ModCloth. I purchased this particular dress at a local shop called Greenheart. I wont go into detail about the shop because I want you to read it for yourself on her About Mata page. 

The aline skirt hits the right places for this momma, I cant take care of a bunch of little ones with my booty hanging out all the time. Oh and it has pockets! Dresses with pockets are the best of both worlds, and I can keep delicious snacks in those pockets! 

The top of this dress was really great when Julian was still nursing, it ties together at the top, so all I had to do was untie and retie instead of try to half way and inconspicuously undress myself in public. And honestly, every time I wear it I get compliments on how interesting it is. Knowing that it was made by hand, and for a fair wage makes it mean so much more to me than just a pretty dress, it give me a tiny sense of confidence knowing that I am choosing to put social responsibility BEFORE connivence and a few extra dollars. It's pretty and fair. 

What are some of your own pretty and fair things? Id love to hear where you get your favorite items from and the stories behind them!  

D.I.Y Sweater Yarn Rescue

Inspiration is such a funny thing. It never comes when you're looking for it, but seems to jump out at you when ever it so pleases, usually when you are unprepared. I had a lot planned for this weekend, lists, but the winds of creativity set my course askew. 

Saturday morning J decided he wanted to wake up at 6 am. I tried to convince him that sleeping in would be so luxurious and fun but  he didn't believe me, he just demanded his yogurt and stared at me like I was bothering him by talking to him before he's gotten the chance to fully wake up. (He is already just like his daddy.) So we started the day and when X woke up he took us to our honey hole of a thrift store, no I wont tell you where it is. I wasn't expecting to find much, I was still pretty tired, but the moment I walked through those doors and the sweet and sickly smell of old clothes and couches hit me, I got excited. 

The diamond of my finds was this sweater for $6 dollars : 

Which turned into this:

I wanted to make a tutorial but I got a little too excited and forgot to photograph a few steps. Ooops. Then I thought about it and Ive decided that a video would be a better way to show how to do this. There are also a few important things to look for in a sweater that you intend to unravel, such as determining if it was machine surged together (which means you can't recycle the yarn, unless you want hundreds of knots) or if was hand assembled, you can determine this by the seams. You should also check the fiber content, you don't want to invest all of your time and effort into unraveling a bunch of junk yarn. In the mean time, these are a few of the steps: 

1. Turn the garment inside out and get a look at the seams. You can tell this sweater was not surged by the neat line of double v's down the center, this signals that it was probably mattress stitched together. If you are familiar with mattress stitch, finding the thread used to stitch both knitted pieces together should be simple for you. The photo below shows that thread. 

Step 2: This is the silly part. you can literally pull this thread and the whole seam will come apart in seconds. It's glorious. I didn't learn this trick until I had tried tediously snipping the same thread at each row, which takes forever and ends up giving you tired hands. LOOK FOR THE THREAD! PULL IT! 

Ta da! This is the front and back of the sweater, all ready for unwinding after removing the seam thread. Now, this is where I forgot to photograph a few of the steps, including how to unseam the arms. I promise the video will demonstrate this a lot better. 

Here are the sleeves and the cowl neck of the sweater, and my little foot. 

The next few steps include determining if the sweater was knit top down or bottom up. If you try to pull from the opposite end of the way it was originally knitted, it simply wont be easy. This sweater was knit top down. Once you locate the beginning of the knitting you can literally start ripping the stitches back and "harvesting" your yarn. I have tried several ways keep the unraveled yarn organized, but the best way to rip back AND keep the yarn tidy is to use a ball winder. 

It took maybe an hour in total to unravel the whole thing once I got started with the ball winder. I sort of go into a little trance at this point, and I get a little crazy thinking about how I'm cheating the system about getting all this gorgeous yarn for a few dollars and little work. 

Look at that pretty little yarn cake!

I have yet to weigh the yarn to determine the yardage but my guess is that its about 700+ yards. A similar yarn sells online and at most knitting shops for about $20 for 100 yards, so by doing this I have potentially saved $134 hahah! I am giddy just thinking about it. Oh the things this poor forgotten and abandoned sweater can become! There is a sense of redemption in this for me, it's a little intense. Have you ever seen the dumpster diving skit in the show Portlandia? (which is amazing, you have to check it out, by far the most hilarious representation of hipsters I have come across.) There is this ridiculous sound that Meg makes when she finds something she thinks is cute. This is me, with sweaters.

So, like I said, I am planning on doing a video tutorial (maybe this weekend) so that you can do this too! What a great way to save money, repurpose items which can be redeemable and reduce waste. Oh, also I did this on Earth Day, so I get extra points..haha. I will do an update with what ever this yummy yarn turns into to bring it full circle. What would you make this into?! 

Back In Action

After having a very busy few months I am taking some time to get back into this, for several reasons. I want to connect and share my thoughts, experiences, experiments and so on, with people who have similar interests. I have been struggling with a long time with the idea of blogging, and my motives, and expectations of the feedback I get in return, for investing my time and energy into this. I have found myself in the past comparing myself (ok I still do this) to a lot (ok pretty much all) of the bloggers I follow. Am I as clever as this person? Talented? Am I as good a mother as she is?! A wife? I know this is silly, and pretty immature, but I am learning! I have to constantly remind myself that when people blog, they have total control over what people see, in their words, photos, ideas, etc. I believe that some of the bloggers I follow are honest, this one for example and I want to be honest too.

So what better way to get back into the swing of things than to start posting a weekly "Currently" post, inspired by Danielle, her blog is so inspiring to me and I feel like I can really relate to her. So here it goes!

Reading: Xavier and I went to the bookstore this weekend (one of our favorite things to do on the weekends) and I had a few books in my hands. this one, this one and settled on The Dirty Life. This book is so beautiful, Kristen tells the story of how she met and fell in love with her husband and his farming dreams, and how those dreams came to be reality. I read half of it in one night. I am so in love with the idea of growing food, living from the land and living simply. Its a huge contrast from the life I truly live, but I am making steps to getting there. Mind you, I dont think we will be starting a farm anytime soon, but this book has inspired me to want to look into spending some time with Xavier's friends at Tempel Farm. Ironically, I was reading in Luke and felt really drawn to the passages about good soil, the word of God and how it grows in our hearts,  hoping to "cultivate the soil of my soul" and let the message take deep root.

Watching: American Idol, don't judge me. Im torn between Holly and Philip. I don't want to discuss this any further. :)

Working on: Shea's birthday present, very long over due. Im hoping to get it done before the new baby comes! I'll be posting my knitting notes on revelry and on here when its finished.

Thinking about: Our future. I take walks with the babies everyday around Wicker Park, and I am always so inspired by the homes I see. Xavier and I are thankful for the tiny apartment we have, but there is a part of me that just wants my own nest to invest in and build and grow in. I want to be able to plant things in the ground instead of in containers. I want to be able to have open shelving and a room for Julian that is not a closet under the stairs, Harry Potter style. I know that in order  to get to that place, where we can buy our own home, we have to work, hard. I need to go to school. I have been going back and forth between several career options.People close to me have told me I would be a good nurse, I think I could be one too. I would also love to go to culinary school, and be a personal chef for families that have children with eating restrictions or allergies.I could do both I suppose.  If I had no responsibilities I would go to art school and major in textiles and be a knitwear designer hah. There are a couple road blocks to getting there but Im trying, and thats all I can do right now. I have to have peace with that, even though I want to help our family be in a better place right now.

Anticipating: Baby Gilliam 2.0! He will be here in about a month and a half! I know so many things are going to be changing in the Gilliam home, Im so excited and happy to be involved! Im not sure how it's all going to look, with Julian and Omi, and now the new baby, but Im sure it will be a little nuts and a lot amazing, maybe a little difficult sometimes.

Listening to: My friend Jeff over at Letters To Eloise posted an instagram photo of The Lumeneers album. I love them! I feel like Ive been waiting for this album for a while, after listening to the new Bon Iver album, and new Fleet Foxes albums on repeat for a few months haha. I really like their song "Classy Girls", its cute and funny and true at the same time. Classy girls don't kiss boys in bars. Thanks Jeff!

Eating: Today I was pretty busy, but I went to Red Hen Bread in Wicker and got the babies some peanut butter blondies and I REALLY went in for the ham and swiss croissant, but they were sold out! Blast! I settled with a rosemary herb focaccia, and it was great! (not as good as the ham and swiss croissant, but it was good enough..) Omi actually tossed her blondie out of the stroller and demanded my savory focaccia, her parents would be proud. OH! AND! I made these zucchini fritters yesterday for the babies and Omi went nuts over them, so I tried them with carrots today, and I went nuts over them. I spread a little cinnamon spiced Nancy's Plain Yogurt on top and man.....they were so delicious!

Wishing: I had more time. And more yarn.


 What about you?! Id love to hear!
-K