Today feels like the day after surgery.
When I was 14, I had my jaw broken in two places. I had to have major corrective surgery, mouth wired shut, the whole deal. When I came out of the sedation there was a raw, fierce pain that was overwhelming and unexpected. The following weeks were painful in healing, and each day brought a different kind of hurt, a deeper hurt, as my body tried to repair the damage.
Yesterday I woke up to a few text messages on my phone, and I ignored them for a few minutes while I put some steel cut oats on the stove for breakfast. The water kettle was filled and started to boil, waiting to be used for coffee. I can not really explain the next few moments because they seem a bit of a blur. The text messages I had ignored were informing me of the sudden and unexpected death of my sweet sweet friend Sarah, the sender didn't want to call so early and didn't want me to find out through social media. It was heart shattering and jarring and I can not remember a time when my body hurt as much as my heart. 4 hours later Brittany and I were crossing into Michigan, fighting back the tears and trying to be strong for each other. Driving seemed to be the only thing that helped, forward motion, a way to run.
I want to tell you about her. I want you to know what a beautiful person she is, but those words just do not do her justice. You would just have to have met her, and you would know. People keep using words like, "She has done more in 23 years to further the kingdom of God and serve humanity than most people do in 100". This is not an exaggeration. We feel robbed. She was crossing the street after her art exhibition, and was struck by a motorcyclist, who is still in critical condition. The details don't need to be communicated. The loss is devastating. It was literally a split second, a single decision, to go here, or do that, or in the case of the motorcyclist, to push the limits and go faster than he needed. He has robbed her of her life, of the chance to get married, to have babies, to create the art that she was so passionate about. He has robbed us of a million things, a million things she was to us.
The only solace I have is knowing that she was received with celebration and jubilee, like a bride on her wedding day, into the arms of Jesus. He said to her, "Well done, dear, welcome home."
I will be taking a break for a while, to process, to pray and grieve. Please, pray for the comforter to come, and peace to be brought on the hearts of us who love her, and were blessed by her. It still doesn't feel real.
"To give them beauty for ashes,The oil of joy for mourning,The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness"